I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
