I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
