if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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