just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
