I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
40s are totally the cure
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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