i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
