just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
