what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
