I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
