I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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