I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
