He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
