peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
