took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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