so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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