worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He has the fingertips of a God
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