i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
