well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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