I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why did my mother make you get naked?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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