I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
