I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
