I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
