I puked a lego.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
