I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize