Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize