I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
