just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I intend to get homeless drunk
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize