I'm so fucking centered right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
