The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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