you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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