I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
