he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
