Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
