yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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