I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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