My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
