so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
