Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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