I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
