Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
