oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
