yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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