Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
