When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
