your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
