did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
