They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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