Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
