dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
