I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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