Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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