He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
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First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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