dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
