Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
