Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize