The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
last night I used snow as a chaser
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize