so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize