I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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