oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
