Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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