Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
