What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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