Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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