I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This baby is an asshole
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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