dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
