So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We need to get me chipped asap
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
