I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
