Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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