What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
