I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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