Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
