He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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