is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
