I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What a dumb baby whore.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
