i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
