nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
