why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
