Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize