Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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