who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
