I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
